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Sex in the Potty!
Survival Tactics for Sexual Adventures
in the Powder Room

Sex in the bathroom can be exciting and dangerous at the same time. We have complied survival tactics to help you enjoy your washroom experience!

The Shower Scene
     Having sex in the shower is not only sanitary but also quite sensual. You can have fun lathering up your mate, and cleaning all those hard to reach places. It also makes shaving a pleasurable experience. There’s no doubt that after the cleaning session is over, you and your mate will enjoy pleasuring each other more. There will be no more mysterious scents just good clean fun. But there are some things to be weary of including:

Lock it up
      Making sure the door is locked – It could be mutually devastating to have someone walk in and see you both in the buff all wet and soapy.

Get a grip
      When engaging in intercourse, make sure that you have a steady grip – on the floor that is. We know that it is quite easy to slip in areas that are wet, especially when soap is involved. Be sure to grab onto something secure. If the shower has sliding doors the handles will work and if there aren’t doors take hold of the soap dish. Steer clear of holding on to the shower curtain, it will rip, and don’t hold the faucet, showerhead, or handles. Too much pressure could force these fixtures to break off the wall, and that would cause a whole bunch of problems, most importantly killing the mood.

Keep it clear
Make sure that you don’t position your head directly under the flow of water. It is important to keep your eyes open and sight as clear as possible. Failure to see things clearly could have you grabbing the shower curtain to sustain balance, and we have already explained the distressing effects of that.

Dryher
      It will be very important that you make sure that you are prepared beforehand with fresh clean towels. No one likes to jump out of a nice warm shower and not have a fresh towel to wrap him or herself in. Since there are two of you now, set up your bathroom so that you have 2 towels. Don’t get stuck with the hand towels. Have fun with this part too, drying each other off can be just as much fun as getting wet.

Tub Thumping
      Banging in the bath can be a rather pleasurable experience, kind of like pumping in the pool or humping in a hot tub. There’s something to be said about getting fucked while submerged in warm water. Couples can enjoy some of the same joys of sex in the shower and most of the warnings for the shower scene apply to tub-thumping but one should be stay away from the following:

Shave it for Later
       Be aware that shaving the shower is fun because the running water washes the evidence down the drain. In a bath situation, particularly if bubbles are involved, your fallen furry friends will remain and float around in the bubble bath. You and your partner will be soaking in a hairy soup, not attractive. Avoid this by shaving before hand.

Overflow
      It is important not to fill the tub all the way. Once your bodies get snuggled in, the water level will surely rise, raising the potential of over flow. Flooding yours or your mate’s bathroom will definitely end the party. It might be a good idea to get in and let the water run filling the tub with you two in it.

Splish Splash
      The act of intercourse will definitely make waves. Take precautionary steps to ensure that overflow does not occur while in the middle of the act. Put towels around floor and keep an eye on the water level.

Potty Penetrating
      Having sex in the bathroom will almost definitely lead to some sort of action on the toilet. This is not your Sunday paper kind of action so there is some protocol to follow:

Cleanliness is Next to Porcelain Godliness
      When engaging in any sexual activity in the bathroom, one should make sure that the bathroom is spiffy and sparkling. The number of germs and waste that is present on a regular toilet are grossly high. Make certain that your bathroom is spotless and sanitary, nuff said.

Pooper Protection
      Beware of extreme thrusting while fucking, thrones are made of materials that if pushed enough can shatter. It is quite possible to fracture the base or break the top. This can result in leakage, injury, or just plain embarrassment.

Cover the Crapper
Make sure that the seat is down and if possible the cover closed. This will help guard one from slipping in.

Two Ideal positions for sex on the toilet are:

A Sitter on the Shitter
      In the position the male is seated on the closed lid and the receiver bounces on top, kind of like sex on a chair. Just keep in mind the Pooper Protection suggestion.

Gripping John
      In this position the receiver is resting their hands on the toilet seat for grip while getting railed from behind.

Vanity Affair
      The vanity or sink is probably one of the best places to engage in sex in the bathroom. In many cases it is the most secure and simple of bathroom positions, depending on the set up.

Ten Years Bad Sex
In nearly all bathrooms a mirror accompanies the sink. In the heat of the moment we all know that things can get intense, and a bit out of control. One of the things to keep in mind about screwing on the sink is the mirror, you will be cursed with ten years of bad sex if you break the mirror while fucking, all superstitions aside, this is a fact. Not to mention some nasty cuts from shrapnel. Enjoy the experience but don’t loose control.

Paraphernalia and Accessories
      Everyone has gear and supplies surrounding their sink area, items such as razors, toothpaste, hand soap, etc. While banging on the vanity, one should get in the heat of the moment and strike such items from space, making it clear from clutter. The last thing you want to happen is for the receiver to put a hand behind them, for support, and squeeze your entire tube of toothpaste dry. An even worse scenario is landing that hand directly on a razor. Messy, not sexy.

Reach for the Stars!
      If you are finding that the height of the sink is making it difficult for you to get a rhythm going, improvise. There are many common items found in just about everyone’s john that can be used to gain height and access. Do a quick reconnaissance of the room and you are sure to find some magazines, towels or in some cases a trashcan that can nip that in the bud.

Public Vs Private
Most of the advice that we have given so far, really applies to doing the deed in a private bathroom. But believe it or not, there are some guidelines for sex in a public bathroom.

Bounce With Me
When planning on jumping into the bathroom at a club for a quickie, couples should be ware of bouncers. The big burley guys aren’t hanging around for no reason. Many times they will bust in and drag the fuckers right out of the stall. If they have you’re hands behind your back, it won’t give you option of buttoning, zippering or concealing anything.

Noise Pollution
      An action that can lead to a meeting with the lovely bouncers is racket. When there are other stalls around, people can hear you. There is so much tension in the washroom; you can cut it with a knife. Most are painfully silent, so make a mental note to keep the moaning and yelping to a minimum, unless of course you want to be found out.

Manner of Death – Germicide
If this is the first time you are hearing that public and even most private bathrooms are crawling with germs then welcome to reality. The number of microorganisms floating around in any bathroom is alarming. This is why we advise that couple keep from having any direct contact with walls, toilets, even door handles. The “All Employees Must Wash Hands” sign is there for a reason.

Basic No No’s

Towel Hooker
      We all remember the scene in the movie Very Bad Things, when the guy kills the hooker by trying to fuck her against the wall in the Vegas hotel bathroom. What he forgot to notice was the towel hook sticking out from the bathroom wall, an instant recipe for disaster. Be aware of all items protruding from the bathroom walls such as towel racks, robe hooks, shaving mirrors, pictures and in some cases candleholders. Failure to take notice of these extremities can be catastrophic

Occupado
It’s always exciting when you hook up with someone in the bathroom of that house party. J To avoid a non-pleasurable experience, an uninvited guest or peeping toms, make sure that you check the status of the bathrooms situation beforehand. If you are at a party where there isn’t another bathroom, and people are drinking, you might want to jump into someone’s bedroom or even a closet if available.

What’s Your Favorite Position?

Missionary
      A favorite position of the Taurus is missionary b/c they believe in getting back to basics.
Missionary style can be great for the female, especially if it has been a long and tiring day. She can just lay back and have her man take control of the situation. Missionary can be a good beginning and end position, with switching to other positions in between. Not to worry, we will get into the other positions in the future, let’s not get off the dick, I mean topic. There are a bunch of different variations on this position, most involve the positioning of the receivers legs. Do some research, and experiment!

Connie Lingus O-O-O YEAH!
      I am a fan of all sexual positions, but this month’s is a true favorite. If your partner knows the motion of the ocean, and you know the proper positioning of your pelvis and legs, (which for me is wrapped around him like a scissor) you can maximize depth for intoxicating penetration. I usually start out most of my sexual adventure with this pose and switch around with others. So here’s to all you guys for taking the bump and grind to all new highs on the meter. This position has a high rating of OOO’s, because it is the original sex pose from the beginning of time. You can’t mess with perfection, so get it up and get it on.

Princess Fifi O-O-O-O Mission Complete!
      Missionary, missionary what can I say. This is my most favorite position of all time. I like to switch it up and change the position of my legs, the deeper the access the better. But the main reason why I like this position is because of the closeness. Unlike Doggy style or cowgirl, missionary positions allow you to get up close and personal you’re your lover. It makes for more intense lovemaking. Of course it’s also good for straight on fucking too!

Our Hot Tips!

Connie Lingus
      For ladies, who have problems climaxing in the missionary position, try taking yoga classes. This form of exercise has helped me to find muscles in my body that I was not aware of before. Learning the right ways to use these muscles makes for a more a tighter and more titillating experience.

Princess FiFi
      Mix it up. Since there are so many different variations with the Missionary position, you should definitely try every single one. Don’t let it get boring. Changing up the position of the receivers legs, the givers position, and using your bed or a pillow for elevation, can help put more excitement in you mission. It will also help with the pace and keep sex from becoming monotonous.

Astro-Sexual Guide to the Taurus April 20th to May 19th
      Taurus the tamable bull is this month’s Astro-Sexual sign. Even though their zodiac symbol is a wild intimidating bull, most Taureans are very shy, docile and sweet. Due to their lavish tastes, these bulls like to buy very beautiful and elaborate things. The best way to capture a Taurus is to dress for success, slap on your best duds when going out with one. To spark and electrify a Taurus, flattery will get you very far. Particularly about their striking appearance and physique. Maybe ask to go to the gym together, so that they can show off their buff bodies.

      If you enjoy all nighters, naughty fantasies, and dirty talk, Taurus probably isn’t your type. They live life in the slow lane and give new meaning to the word boredom. Taureans are also extremely stubborn, hence the phrase “Stubborn as a bull,” and are notorious for holding life long grudges. Screw a bull and you will be in sexual bliss, but screw a bull over and welcome a new enemy for life.

      When in the bedroom they are very caring and giving. Taurus is always concerned with your O Factor. This sign will try their hardest to come up with new and exciting was to pleasure you, that will undoubtedly leave a mile wide smile on your face. When bumping uglies he or she will make sure that you are satisfied before they are. And will indulge in fantastical fun and games including just about everything that doesn’t cause them to receive pain. Charge with this bull and you won’t be sorry. They are straight and to the point, telling you exactly what they want and generously tickling your fancy.

Representatives for the creative side of the Bull, Sigmund Freud & William Shakespeare, have given us the Freudian slip and Romeo & Juliet.

Enemies on the front line Saddam Hussien & Adolf Hitler, show the nasty side of the Taurus. You don’t want to get on their bad side.

Music mavericks Billy Joel & Bob Marley show “One Love” for the “Big Shot” Taurus bull.


Songs About Fucking…

Five Finger Pleaser of the Month:
The track for this month is Radiohead’s “Optimistic” You have to try and we know you’ll do the best you can!

Puppy Love Pick of the Month:
Let the soothing strings of Bjork’s “Joga” take you to a state of emergency with your shared emotions.

Kinky Dom Cut of the Month:
Get sticky and dirty with Peaches song “Fuck the pain.” It’s throbbing bass and filthy lyrics will get you in the mood for a body numbing fuck.

Make Up Song of the Month:
To get the juices flowing and the water boiling again in your relationship, we suggest Hooverphonic’s “This Strange Effect”

Break Up Song of the Month:
Since Taurus is into the basics, we thought we’d go with a classic, Led Zeppelin’s “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You"