The Face Fucker
It’s pretty much a fact that guys like to get head. Some girls shy away from giving blow jobs for whatever reason; maybe because they find the act degrading. We think it’s because they don’t know how to do it, and that problem can be solved with 2 words – “Gay Porn.” Though, to be fair, there are some guys out there who do their parts to ensure that the act of fellatio will, er, leave a bad taste in his partner's mouth. One such guy is the Hummer-Deprived Face Fucker. This is a guy who will continue a blowjob for 30 minutes or even, for one unfortunate girl who shared her story with us, much longer. Mr. Fellatio gyrated, thrusted and pounded her face for what must have seemed like purgatory. While tears ran down her face and she fought the liquor in her stomach from coming to the surface, he continued to violently pump her face. By the time they actually got to fucking, Mr. Schlongo wound up cuming short in the race, and didn’t even get close to the finish line.

Three’s a gas!
Threesomes are just plain hot, no matter which way you slice it. The 3some we would like to talk about involves two gals and one guy, your basic daisy chain. The Guy is getting head from girl 1 and Girl 1 is getting rim job from Girl 2. Girl 1 experiences some internal complications when she goes down too far on the guy. Her gag reflex forces the hot beef cloud heard 'round the world, directly into Girl 2’s face- not just once, but twice. We’re not sure who should be more embarrassed, but we sure thank god that it wasn’t a Hershey squirt.

Home is where the family is?
This story has to do with a couple just starting out. The girl is very adventurous and the boy is shy. They are at the girl’s house for her graduation party and there is a crew of friends sleeping in the same room. Our frisky femme gets all hot and bothered and convinces shy guy to have hot hollering sex in the same room with everyone there and with the parents snoozing in the adjacent room. As they finish, there is a brief moment of silence, followed by uproarious laughter from the spectators- and it doesn’t stop there. Mom and Dad are awakened by the commotion and a screaming match ensues between the girlfriend and her mother. Long story short, Shy guy had to hit the road, miles away from home in the wee morning hours.

WARNING – The following piece contains material that may not be suited for immature males!
Actual women and feces involved in the same situation. P.S. - This shit's narsty.

Holy Shit!
This story involves a happy college couple in the beginning stages of a long, loving relationship. One night, the two had engaged in hot rear end penetration and the girl jumped out of the bed like “HOLY SHIT!” Mid-way through the deed, nature came calling, and she was experiencing and violent attack in her lower intestines. She threw her clothes on and ran towards the girls’ bathroom, which was in the other wing of the building. Seconds later she bolted back into the guy’s dorm room in hysterics. Much to their dismay, she didn’t make it all the way, and splatter shat her knickers! Choking & gagging on the putrid stench of human waste, he exclaimed, “Holy Shit! It’s running down your leg!” Because he’s a nice guy, he mopped up the mess and never spoke of it, but you can be sure he won’t be going to Brown for his post-graduate work.

S.O.S Poly Prophylactic
Our two unlucky lovers were engaged in what they thought was routine safe sex. Their vessel was made of polyurethane instead of latex, and was probably the wrong size. While she was riding the beef wave, the waters got a little rough. Their new pal poly got lost in depths of the love canal, and was sucked in by the undertow. The lovers freaked out and set sail off into the emergency room. Six hours ticked by and the doctor finally saw them. The doc sent out a team of rescue divers to dredge up the bottom. Little poly was soon recovered from Labia Lake. And the two rode separate waves to distant shores, never to experiment with oversized lifeboats ever again. The moral of this story is, don’t over shoot your means. Make sure you’ve got the right size glove for your love gun.

The amazing disappearing prophylactic:
A couple used to have sex in the girlfriend's house even when her parents were home. Her dog Cookie would spend time at the side of the bed and watch as the two got it on. One day during such a session, Cookie found a rubbery treat after the deed was done and gobbled it. The couple jumped to their feet to get it back and chased little Cookie through the house. After following the Pup around for hours, they realized that Cookie had swallowed the condom and they were out of luck. After giving up hope the couple waited and checked Cookies’ poop the next day, but the condom was never found.

Position of the month

Doggy Style
This is a basic sexual position in which subject 1 is on all fours and subject 2 enters from behind. Enjoyment depends on the right kind of thrusting, speed and duration. There are many different techniques and subjects should experiment. So keep your minds open and your bodies pounding.

Princess Fifi O-O-O
I really enjoy this position for a few reasons, one being that it is versatile. On one hand you can have hot steamy sex doggie style and not even have to acknowledge your partner, and on the other you can have really hot loving sex just by embracing the right way. I think it’s really hot when subject 2 sensually caresses subject 1’s back during the process. It’s super sexy in sort of a teasing way.

...And Introducing Molly Monogamy! Molly Monogamy! O-O-O-O This is a position that I can have lots of fun with. I’m the type of gal who enjoys it a little rough sometimes, and getting rammed from behind enables my partner to really get me moaning and groaning. I particularly enjoy getting love taps on my hiney and some tugging of the hair. I like my Tarzan clubbing me on the head and making me his Jane. Don’t forget, there are perks; you can make all the silly faces you need as your getting closer to ecstasy, without your partner seeing your funny sex expressions.

Connie Lingus O-O-O-O
I have better sensation when he is behind and thrusting his man meat over and over again. For me it’s the ball slapping sensation that gets me hot and crazy. When his sweaty balls hit my box, it makes me quiver and sends me to climax. Cheers to Molly Monogamy, for I am a hair tugging girl as well. I also enjoy the wrap around from behind, which turns my nipples on. This postion also makes it easier to have that fantasy of having sex with whoever you want. So give that dog a bone.

Astro-Sexual Guide for Cancer June 21st – July 21st

In spite of their rough exteriors, the Crabs are quite tender on the inside. They do everything they can to keep anyone from knowing how intensely sensitive they are. Cancer will internalize all negative comments and feeling until they reach a boiling point. Cancer can end up being more of a lethal enemy. This sign is full of conflicting emotions, as cancer females want relationships, yet males are just looking for a good one-night stand- just as long as he gets off first. For many of us, it would be so- so sex.

Why, may you ask, is this sign so distant? It boils down to fear of commitment and fear of enjoying things without consequence. Always looking out for enemies makes for a very lonely place. Want to know the secret for getting past your crab's shell? Go for the pecs or chest. This is their most sensitive area. Lick their nipples through the shirt for a beginning treat. That will get you past
the PG stage and on to the X.

Songs About Fucking

Five Finger Pleaser - So sink another drink, cuz it will give you time to think, you have the chance so ask the world to dance and you’ll be “Dancing With Yourself” like Billy Idol.

Puppy Lovers - Incubus’ “Miss You” is definitely the tune to listen to when you are away from your puppy love. It will help you to behave and remember what you have back home.

Kinky Dom’s - Get straight to the point with Garbage’s “Sleep Together.” It will make you feel like a sex goddess who’s in control.

Make-Up Song - When the two of you are ready to make up and admit you were both wrong, turn up Hoobastank’s “The Reason” and you’ll both be crying. But at least you’ll be together.

Break Up Song - "Brick” by Ben Folds Five is an ultimate break up song. Listening to this during your hard time will definitely make you cry and maybe help you to realize what went wrong.