In New York City the rule of thumb goes like this: for every cockroach you actually see, there are a thousand more tucked away somewhere else in the building. I fear this rule also applies to unimaginative rock bands; who offer nothing new or engaging to excuse their conspicuous presence.

Scuttling across the kitchen floor of the music industry, we find Granian, the namesake of Garen Gueyikian. Granian has been touted as “the hottest unsigned band on the planet” by Spin magazine, and has garnered enough attention as to attract a steady line of backing musicians, including John Mayer, Peter Gabriel, and Spacehog.

This has all led up to Granian’s latest studio effort, On My Own Two Feet. At its core, the record is corporate radio-formatted modern rock in its nascent stage; it is independent only on paper. The lead-off track, “On My Own,” could be a hybrid Nickelback / Maroon 5 tune: whiny, Southern-inflected vocals croon over a flaccid nu-metal riff. On the songs “Uncovered” and “My Voice”, Granian’s vocals suffer from a fleeting case of [Scott] Stapp inflection.

“Mark My Words” is reminiscent of a solo Rob Thomas; it uncomfortably straddles the realms of electronic pop and Dave Matthews Band-style acoustic AAA, like a Midwestern frat guy confronted for the first time by a bidet. This game of radio-dial Would You Rather? continues with Third Eye Blind homages “Ain’t That A Shame,” and “Collide.” The similarities persist; lyrically, On My Own Two Feet is overflowing with the sophomorically forlorn. He recalls his early inspiration on the Granian website:

"I wrote one of the first Granian songs, 'Foresight,' during my first two or three weeks at Northeastern… After I played it for my roommate, he'd go out into the hallway and, one by one, he'd bring in these girls to hear it. I'd play the song, and before I was finished, they'd start crying.”

Granian has stayed true to his artistic roots. On “Sex in a Box (Rewind),” he ponders: “If I tried everything in the book to make you forget / If I said all those mistakes that I made were in the past / If I could take it back I would do this all again / If I could I would rewind.” Yes – “Sex in a Box.” The fun continues with “Vigil, ”She’s like a drug when you’re addicted to love / That elusive answer that you can’t think of.” The boy-loses-girl scenario is quintessential pop music fodder, and Granian’s reinterpretation lacks emotional resonance.

It takes a sincere effort for one to avoid the temperate zone of Cliché. Native New-Jersian Gueyikian sets out in search of Granian’s Island, but his flimsy schooner of prepackaged tones and formulaic songwriting never makes it to the shores of artistic distinction. Admittedly, On My Own Two Feet is filled with convincing facsimiles of the modern rock currently dominating network radio. Consequently, Granian has been, and will continue to be, a commercially successful, albeit unsigned, act. Though depressing as it may be to admit, (like red state voter tallies and Vin Diesel’s box office earnings) the fan base for this kind of music is staggeringly large, and commands the power to make mainstream stars out of its own droves. From a certain point of view, one could perceive Granian’s success as being all the more impressive, considering the overflowing ranks of bands dying to be the next Creed or Matchbox 20. Expect to find Granian on both network play-lists and your little brother’s CD shelf – lodged comfortably in between Good Charlotte and Hoobastank.